What's the most valuable lesson you've learned in life, and how has it impacted your journey so far?

TEXT:

Yes, Tess, crime doesn't pay but apparently Rated-G horror does.

At least until the peyote kicks in ...

Where did Noah build the Ark? Was it in a desert or near water?

In order to answer this I came up with a little story that goes like this …

¡Explotando Dick por todos lados!

“Your boyfriend is a total perv, mommy.”

Why would Trump make conspiracy claims that Haitians are eating pets in Ohio?

Times might be tough … But at least there's one thing we all agree on.

Ironically, Wertham focused on stories about crime, singling out Batman and Robin for its gay subtext and Dick Tracy for its violence.

But Tess! I mean Betty! I mean Veronica! (I can never remember who is who) which ever one you are, I love you!

Why do atheists want to see God so badly?

Make Nazis afraid again!

After you lather me up with that strawberry hand lotion.

Shameless vixen! Trollop!

What are some mind-blowing facts that sound unreal but are actually true?

Let's do what we always do, lay around half-naked while men make terrible jokes at our expense.

Remember, kids, masturbation will make you see the devil everywhere!

Every day is a good day to punch a Nazi! I mean MAGA! I mean the Comics Code Authority! (I can never remember who is who)

Why do I sweat a great deal while exercising the same on some days and not so much on others?

I hear you're a stunt-double now for Fred in Scooby-Doo.

Perhaps now we can explore what being a “gal pal” really means.

Two letters of transit signed by General De Gaulle … Stimpy, you eediot!

Why would the state lie about the Earth's shape? We know that it's flat, but why do they lie and tell us that it is a sphere?

In 1954 complete bastard and censorship campaigner Fredric Wertham published a book for the stated goal of creating a moral panic around comic book's alleged impact on juvenile delinquency. Much like the House Committee on Un-American Activities' disastrous impact on the film industry, the Comics Code Authority (obey, puny humans) put many hardworking comic book characters out of work all because of one poorly written book called …

Sex! Lingerie! Knock knock jokes!

Torchy, we're unemployed … And no one is hiring scantily-clad wastrels these days.

Why is Russia always right? All eyes toward Russian glory!

Before there was MAGA there was … the Comics Code Authority

Just you, me, in a vat of lime jello, pulling hair, calling each other names …

And then working as Betty and Veronica's body doubles ...

In the New Testament, Christ quotes the Ethiopian book of Enoch. How do the Sola Scriptura folks square this circle?

Gadzooks! It's Torchy Todd slumming it in Yugoslavian science fiction! The shame!

Dick! I heard about the lay-off. What's a square-jaw crime fighter doing these days to bring in the bling?

And I ended up moonlighting in Japanese porn, but the less said about that the better.

Why do entitled people demand that I pick up after my doggo when he goes to the bathroom? Do they not know that doggy doo decomposes & feeds the plants?

Marijuana makes Jesus cry!

Of all the layoffs, Torchy Todd and her gal pal, Tess Parker, were hit the hardest.

Only zombies dig to rock and roll, daddy-O!

Why are men today so pussiefied?

Speaking of which, poor Cleo Coco has ended up appearing in anti-vice pamphlets.

Torchy thinks: Maybe I could play a gangster's moll since apparently smoking is still seen as wholesome and American.

I've also been making ends meet ... By appearing in Tijuana splatter comics as Evil Gringo #2.

You found a love potion, and your friend tried to use it on an attractive popular girl, but he accidentally dropped it on the neighbors dog. Now the dog won't stop following him. How would you help him?

Tess' boyfriend, Ed, now works as a Peter Lorre impersonator.